Transcript Wizard: You mean to tell me you got a wish and all you got was a sandwich? Barbarian: Yep. Wizard: Out of all things you could have wished for–power, riches, magical weapons–and you got a sandwich?! What do you have to say for yourself? Barbarian: Best sandwich ever!
Transcript Djinn: Are you sure you want to use your only wish for a sandwich? Barbarian: I sure am hungry. Can you make it with four kinds of meat? Narrator: POOF Barbarian: Best sandwich ever!
Transcript Barbarian: Whoa! Who are you? Djinn: I’m a Djinn. For freeing me I’ll grant you one wish. Djinn: You can wish for just about anything: permanent stat increase, bonus abilities, extra feat–let your imagination soar. Barbarian: Hmmm. I wish for a sandwich.
Transcript Wizard: Players are so unpredictable. So how do you keep the plot on track? GM: Simple really. I provide choices that have all outcomes I want. Sometimes I give two choices that in reality share the same outcome. Choice is an illusion. Wizard: Wow. Rather not have known that.
Transcript Barbarian: Shouldn’t it be Hack & Slash? Dwarf: That’s the whole point. You reverse the words and get something new. Barbarian: Oh ok. Anyone want to play Dragons & Dungeons. Dwarf: I see what you did there.
Transcript Wizard: Cool, horses! Let’s ride them. Narrator: Later… Wizard: On second thought, not so cool. Bard: This is the problem riding horses as a plastic figure. Dwarf: Figures.
Transcript Barbarian: I rolled an 8. GM: Your blade swings through the air *whoosh* but fails to find purchase! Your foe is no match and deftly steps aside to avoid your paltry blow! GM: The swing of the blade puts you slightly off balance. A feeble attempt and the sahugin erupt in laughter at your attempt. Barbarian: I just[…]
Transcript Barbarian: It’s been three sessions, why haven’t we leveled up yet? Wizard: You should be at least level three now. Haven’t you been following the emails? Barbarian: Emails? Wizard: With the experience points all of us updated our characters on the wiki. Barbarian: Wiki?
Transcript Goblin: ⚡️✪#????! Goblin: ✘????☁️????@! Dwarf: He’s pretty adorable when he’s all flustered and angry-like. Bard: I don’t speak goblin, but skulls and lightning bolts don’t look too happy.
Transcript Wizard: A treent not an ent? A halfling not a hobbit? This is clearly ripping off J.R.R. Tolkien. GM: Well that’s the problem with copyright–you can’t just use names of anything you want or you’ll get sued. Wizard: Behold her! Watch out for the floating one-eyed head with a bunch of eye stalks and a giant[…]